FAQ

Do people really ask you questions all that frequently?

Sometimes.

By definition, “sometimes” isn’t “frequently,” is it?

I guess not.

All right, well, how many tattoos do you have?

Nine.

That’s fascinating.

Thanks.

I’m trying really hard here.

I know. I appreciate it.

Are you…uh…a Pisces or what?

Aries.

Right on.

We don’t have to do this.

No, no, it’s fine. Let’s just keep pressing forward.

I mean, is this weird?

A little, dude. I’ll be honest. But okay. Where do you like to write?

I actually do a ton of writing on my phone on the bus, on the way to and from work.

Really?

Yes.

Because that sounds like something you made up to sound more interesting.

No, it’s true. How sad would it be if that’s the best I could do to make myself sound interesting?

Good point.

Yeah, because it’s not that interesting.

No, it isn’t.

Well, don’t agree with me. I mean.

What’s the deal with airplane food?

Really?

Sure.

I assume it’s bad because they’re working under severe constraints on an airplane, such that they can’t prepare fresh food, which would obviously be better. But I’m not an expert or anything.

Well. Okay. How did you go from writing what’s basically pretty depressing music enjoyed mostly by European people in their 30s to writing books for young adults?

What’s funny is that I never set out to write a YA novel. What I really wanted to do was to write for young adults. And it happens that the best way to do that is by writing a YA novel. So that’s what I did. I think that’s such an amazing period of life, where you’re basically as intelligent as an adult, but the world and experience haven’t lost their newness. I remember the immediacy of feeling and wonder that accompanied those years of my life. There’s a magic there. I also love the way that young adults experience art and cling to the pieces of art that they love. I wanted to create something that would (hopefully) be loved and clung to.

Do you think about what you’ll leave behind when you die?

Every day.

Okay, this’s been fun, but I better get going.

Wait, why? Don’t you have any more questions?

No, I’m good. I gotta get to a thing.

What thing?

Don’t worry about it.

Come on.

Okay, fine. It’s Thirsty Tuesday at Sonic, all drinks are half price after 5:00, for a limited time only.

Wait, did you really just slip a Sonic commercial into my FAQ on my author website?

What? No, that’s ridiculous. Almost as ridiculous as getting Sonic’s Ocean Water® for half price.

Stop it.

Okay, fine. A quick book question. So in your book, the main girl has cancer.

No.

???

No. That’s not my book. That’s a different book.

Pretty sure I’m right.

I promise you aren’t.

Huh. That would be a good book.

Well, it exists. People love it. It’s called The Fault In Our Stars. But it’s not my book.

That’s what you should’ve written.

Thanks.

You don’t have to be snippy.

Okay. I’m not. But whatever. Didn’t you need to be somewhere?

It’s fine, I already missed Thirsty Tuesday at Sonic.

Bummer.

No worries, I can make BeefFest at Arby’s–seventeen roast beef sandwiches for seventeen dollars.

I seriously–I’m done.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

2 Comments

  1. This is by far my favorite FAQ page of the world. I laughed so hard at it! It was brilliantly done.
    By the way, I’m halfway through The Serpent King and I just have to say: Oh man, I wish I’d have this book when I was 16! I think I’ve found my favorite book of 2016.

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